Remi's Birth Story
The Before
Jude was around 15 months old when we thought, let’s do it all again. We were just SO in love with him and the age he was at was hilarious and cute. We forgot about all of the sleep deprivation and challenges of that first year.
I was conscious about conception, I knew I wanted to feel physically and mentally prepared before going through the journey again. I did all the things - Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), Naturopathy, Pelvic Floor Physio, I organised a round of blood tests to check for low iron or other issues. I was exercising daily, I felt really good.
The Pregnancy
We started trying just after my 31st birthday, and within my second cycle we were pregnant. I assumed it would take longer, I had a bit of anxiety around it. I’m grateful it happened so quickly. The wave of exhaustion and constant trips to the toilet led me to believe I was within a couple of weeks.
I quickly booked into my GP, I had maintained a relationship with her since Jude, and as soon as I had that booked I called Box Hill to put my name down for the Midwife Group Practice (MGP) program.
I also knew I wanted a Doula with us. After Jude’s birth and the trauma the followed, I needed someone to ground me, and support both Dave and I through it all. I contacted Gather, a collection of Doula’s and they sent me a few profiles - drawn to Vaughne, I sent her an email and we connected instantly. She was so kind listening to Jude’s birth and was exactly the person I needed in my corner.
We were in and out of COVID at this time, restrictions were easing but partners were not allowed into some of the clinics for each scan. We found a local one and Dave could come. It was SO good to see that little flicker on the screen, all was looking great. I was very open about my pregnancy, letting my inner circle in at around 6 weeks - it was important for me to have people to lean on in the early weeks, and feel supported from the beginning.
The pregnancy was similar to Jude’s, I was mostly fine, chasing after him left me very tired at the end of the day. I also experienced really intense pelvic girdle pain. Likely from carrying him around on my hip, and a growing baby. My beautiful best friend is my Osteotherapist, I was there regularly for treatment and relief.
We moved house when I was around 12 weeks, which is when I started to feel myself again.
I got into the MGP program, and was SO pumped to have the midwife who was at Jude’s birth and looked after me in my postpartum. The continuity of care was exceptional. She knew where I had been, and where I wanted to go with this pregnancy and birth.
Throughout the Pregnancy, from about 20 weeks I was told baby was on the small side. When I reached the third trimester at every appointment, I was measured and then sent over for further scanning. It was mostly the same result, a very healthy baby and placenta - just on the smaller side. If you know me, and my husband - we are not big people. My babies are not going to be big!
At 34 weeks, after yet another scan and referral onto an OB, they discussed with me the option of an induction. I was fully prepared for the conversation after chats with my midwife and Doula. I knew that I could decline, which I did on the basis that everything was healthy and baby was growing, it was a little smaller. This was thrown at me through the last few weeks. I agreed to continue to come in for monitoring, scans and checks, and declined discussions around inductions.
The Birth
In the 40th week of pregnancy I had mild tightenings almost every day. I was trying to keep busy without doing too much. My mind was busy and anxiously waiting for bub to decide on its birthday. I had walked out of my 40 week appointment with my midwife with instructions to have more monitoring. At this very last monitoring, the midwife told me that bub was absolutely perfect, small but so healthy. I knew I wasn’t coming back at 41 weeks.
The next day, I woke with mild cramping, nothing too consistent just on and off. I needed to keep my mind busy and knew I wanted one last fun day with Jude. So we did that - library, park, baby chinos.
Later that night at dinner time I found myself really pausing each time I felt any tightening, they became more frequent but had no pattern so I think I still remained unsure if we were ‘on’. Women can be in early labor for days - and because my waters hadn’t broken like my first experience I was mostly in denial.
I called my mum and asked her to come up she was staying with us to watch Jude, I also called my Vaughne and let her know that she may be needed later. Things felt exciting. I called the hospital to let them know I was likely having a baby tonight. I was so disappointed that my original MGP midwife wasn’t on, and that the MGP program had cancelled only weeks before due to COVID. I knew that, no matter who was in the room, it was about me and the baby and they would be there for us.
We did Jude’s bedtime routine I gave him the biggest cuddle knowing it might be the last as him being my only child. We read lots of books and he went to sleep so easily.
Mum made me a cuppa, we watched eat pray love, Dave got the tens machine out as I was sure things were more consistent now and the contractions were gradually building. We thought we better get some rest, if it was anything like last time we didn’t sleep for over 30 hours! At 11pm I lost my mucus plug and I knew we were definitely on - I couldn’t deny it any longer.
I text Vaughne to let her know, we made a plan to rest in bed until I feel things heat up.
I laid down in bed and let the waves of contractions wash over me. I felt like I was in the ocean. The baby bassinet right by my side of the bed, waiting. It became more intense over three hours, I was able to rest between and have this weird micro sleep. Dave was snoring away, classic. I had the most beautiful playlist on made by my sister, it was so calming.
By 2am I couldn’t lay there anymore - it was way too uncomfortable. I kept getting up to make sure I was emptying my bladder and I soon as I stood up the contractions intensified. I moved myself to the lounge where I had set up a beautiful little birth alter. I got on the ball and was rolling and got dave to help me by holding my hips. By this stage I couldn’t talk during contractions but I could once they were over. Timing wise it was all still a little inconsistent, 6 mins, 4 mins, 3 min, 8 min.
We wanted Vaughne to come on over, she arrived at 3am.
Bless my mum, waiting downstairs, she couldn’t sleep. By the time Vaughne arrived I really had to breath and use my mind to get through each contraction. Vaughne suggested moving around the house to get things a little more consistent and open the pelvis. We walked up and down the stairs, swayed around the kitchen bench and got on all fours in the lounge room.
Things got intense really quick, while I was standing it seemed to make it all go so fast. I made myself comfortable around the couch on all fours and one after the after the contractions came in hard and fast. Within 30mins I went from chatting between contractions to not being able to talk at all and completely zoning in, breathing and asking for support from Dave. I held onto him and his neck he held me up during the harder ones. They tumbled on top of each other, I couldn’t catch my breath and started to loose it - I was in transition.
I knew I was and I tried to keep going there was no turning back and I had realized there was no time for the Hosptial.
After maybe 4 back to back contractions I bent over and felt this pressure - I did a poo but also felt like I was baring down and her head started to appear. I got worried and told Dave that something was wrong - there wasn’t anything wrong it was just bub deciding to be born here and now! I had never felt what it was like to bare down and involuntary pushing so I kind of panicked. At this point everyone realized the baby was going to be born at home. The paramedics were called. We tried to sit on the toilet, however as soon as I was upright the contractions came on so quickly and I felt out of control, I asked them to lay me back on the floor.
I caught my breath, things slowed slightly and I was able to zone back into my body. The dispatcher on the phone told the others to gather lots of towels and was telling me to push. Bubs head was moving in and out slowly, I went with my body and pushed when I felt a contraction.
At the point of bubs head crowning, I was laying on my back and felt so uncomfortable. I had my eyes closed and was holding my mums hands, the paramedics walked in, four amazing angels.
The energy shifted from concern to confidence. One of the paramedics was an experienced midwife and she was honestly the most amazing person to enter the space. With no sense of urgency, she popped over to my side and asked me if I preferred to roll onto my side, which I did immediately and felt such relief!
She was fantastic in that she really encouraged me to push when I felt a contraction and trust my body. She guided Dave’s hands to the head as it started to leave my body. Vaughne and mum both encouraging me to breath, I began to pant and tried to gently push when I felt the urge - within 5 mins she was out! Dave caught her. She was born partly in her amniotic sac, my waters breaking as she emerged. Born with a caul, a piece of the amniotic sac still attached, is considered a sign of good luck.
She screamed as soon as her head was out and was placed straight on my chest. Once I gathered myself I asked what it was - a GIRL. I couldn’t believe it. I could see tears in dave’s eyes and I felt the hugest sense of relief that she was safe, outside and just over the moon that I had a little girl.
The midwife encouraged delayed cord clamping, and was happy with the very little blood loss, so we waited for the placenta. I felt so uncomfortable and the contractions hurt - but the placenta came out within 15 mins with no help at all. Lot’s of beautiful Oxytocin in the room!
Dave held her, skin to skin while I had a quick shower. I was definitely in shock and the adrenaline was running high. Vaughne and mum helped me in the bathroom and I got to throw my dressing down on, and get cosy on the couch for a moment to feed her she was instantly looking for the boob and latched straight away. Dave and I had a moment where we just looked at each other than at her and were in disbelief.
The paramedics were so calm - the energy in the room was euphoric, so calm and beautiful. There was no rush to leave.
Once we were ready to go at about 5.30am, Remi and I went into the ambulance and she did not leave my chest, we snuggled and she fed - the golden hour.
We had to say goodbye to mum as she was staying to care for Jude. We felt so bad leaving her with the mess and the shock of it all unfolding in our living room!
We arrived at Box Hill, Dave and Vaughne driving their cars behind us. I pulled into emergency on a bed with Remi still feeding and on my chest.
I was taken up to Maternity and almost every midwife on the floor was there waiting cheering us as we wheeled on through it was so so beautiful - such kind warm faces over the moon for us.
A gorgeous midwife looked after us, checked us over and was so happy with Remi. I had a very minor tear that didn’t need stitches. I asked for another opinion to be sure - I was so worried from the trauma of last birth. All was fine to heal naturally.
Before Vaughne left we recounted what happened, we laughed so much. I think were genuinely still shook. So proud of ourselves, a 6 hour labour, birthed at home - unreal.
Reflection: The energy in the air was electric! It was honestly the most incredible experience ever - and I was just so, soul deep beside myself with happiness that you were having a completely different experience to the highly intervention driven birth you had with Jude. Although a homebirth wasn't planned - I knew just how prepared you were to birth Remi without intervention and in your own time using the power of your breath, the strength of your body and your intuition to guide her here. Watching you labouring so beautifully - moving in a rhythm and being in your body and looking so calm and confident as you progressed was so moving - Vaughne x
We were asked if we wanted to stay in Hosptial the night, but there was no way - it was so loud in there I knew we wouldn’t get the rest we needed and also I had already done the hard working at home. All we wanted was to get home to Jude and feel cosy.
Remi was born at 2.99kg - a perfect weight for a perfect little girl. We passed all our checks with flying colours and packed up our things and walked on out that afternoon.
The afterward
We got home to a very excited Jude who was just so amazed we bought a baby home. Mum made us pasta for dinner and then we read stories to Jude as a family, then settled into our first night as four.
It took me weeks to come down from such a high, I was so proud of myself - I’m truly amazed at what my body did, and how I manifested my dream birth. I had my perfect healthy baby girl safely at home.
I didn’t really get the baby blues, maybe at day 7 while I cuddled Jude to sleep, I remember bawling my eyes out - he wasn’t my baby anymore, and all of a sudden he was so big.
All the stars aligned for us that night and I felt prepared, safe, supported and strong. Dave, my mum, my doula and the paramedics helped me feel secure enough to fully let go and embrace it.
My postpartum was slow, so cosy and my family and friends were so generous in helping us with a meal train. We were fed, looked after and showered with love. I didn’t leave the house for 10 days, it was the best, most healing practice. I planted her placenta, it sits in a beautiful pot with an Olive tree. at the front door. A little reminder of growth and rebirth.
Leaning on our little village, accepting help and asking for help has been a huge change up to my first time round with a newborn. Mothering alone is just not OK, we need people around us, loving on us, holding us, going through the motions with us.
Time has moved so fast over the last year. I absolutely love the joy she brings - she is already so powerful, a beautiful force and I feel so lucky to be her mum and to have had the most incredible, healing experience together.
Jude is my purpose, and Remi is my muse - and they have lead me to this journey of supporting women, through the transition to motherhood, with a restorative, wholesome postpartum experience.
Hold The Mother is dedicated to honouring, and holding the Mother during life's biggest transitions. We are Melbourne based Postpartum Doulas supporting families within 30 minutes of Greensborough, Victoria.
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